I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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