Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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