So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
