...so i touched it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
