i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
