I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
