home. puking in laundry basket.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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