I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
