Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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