If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
