im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
