dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
