btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
