I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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