my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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