his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
