god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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