You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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