he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We left the knife in your bed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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