problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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