I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
