Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
