If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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