just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
