also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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