I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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