So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
