well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
