i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
