The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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