I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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