She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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