So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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