My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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