I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
