hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
