no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize