You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think my vagina is haunted
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is it penis luge time yet?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
