just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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