it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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