my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
