It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize