I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
