38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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