He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
