So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
