trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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