If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
