Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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