Quick, to the slutcave!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
