M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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