He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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