Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
