so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she looked like the before picture.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
