she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
