he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
