I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
barbara walters just said penis...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
