Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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