Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
