Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
