i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
