my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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