you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
