Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
